My way of bringing back the joy of spilling my every aching thought on the internet.

— WHAT A WEEK!

I had this entire newsletter rough draft done early and thought, “Wow, I am so amazing, but this is going to be such a boring newsletter.”

Then, Tuesday happened, and my house erupted in chaos. If you want explicit details, feel free to call me, but to sum it up, it involves:

• My mom and sister

• A dog

• A car

• All the rage I’ve felt since I was 12

If that list doesn’t scare you, it should!

I reacted in a way that both validated all the rage and resentment I ever felt and gave my inner teen a voice, but also made me look at myself differently. Not necessarily in a bad way, but in a, “I mean what I say and I will stand on that no matter who it is,” and as a recovering people pleaser that’s a HUGE accomplishment for me.

So, while that event was validating, it also left me with an emotional hangover that I’m still recovering from and it’s Sunday. I don’t regret my reaction, but I do realize that I need to real deal holy field go talk to the lady again.

In other news:

• The template is almost done. It should’ve been done on the 1st but this week really got away from me and I’m slightly sabotaging because I can smell the finish line and for some reason keep delaying it. Click the link to check out one of my favorite sections and keep an eye out for updates because I really want to host a focus group as I expand on my templates.

• I went to my first MBA event and it went SMASHINGLY! I felt so energized and at ease speaking with everyone.. kinda feel like I made it for a change *lil baby voice*

• Crying in public changed my perspective. I was so caught up in the number of my 75 Days to Self challenge that I was missing how my community has really been RIDING for me and cheering me on this whole challenge. I am so blessed to have so many supportive people from all sides of my life and I need to deep that more often.

Think of this as the story time corner. Here I’ll be reflecting on what makes my lore my own with the hopes you'll find a piece of yourself in it too.

— THE REAL STORY OF HOW I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT

The other day I made a video about how me trying to ghost my job turned into me finding out I was pregnant the day before I went to go see the rich baby daddy, Drake.

Here’s the real tea.

It all started on Juneteenth when my job didn’t give me the day off and that on top of other things made me so mad I smoked my pen on company hours. Then, I cried like a baby in the D.C. Amtrak station about how much I hated my job and how I felt like I was giving so much of myself and getting not even the flexibility I wanted.

I don’t remember my last day, but sometime in July I decided I was over it and made them let me work from home for a few weeks. After a while of quiet quitting, they finally asked, “uhhhh when are you coming back to the office?" In my spirit, I knew the answer was never, but I decided to try to get a formal doctor’s note to extend my remote work.

Trying to get that doctor's note led to me being in an ambulance on the way to the emergency room because the Telehealth doctor said my shortness of breath could be a heart attack.

The shortness of breath was not a heart attack, it was actually my daughter :))))

I’ll never forget the feeling of surprise but also calmness when, after the nurse, Kyle, told me I was pregnant, I heard a clear voice say, “keep it, keep it!” The pure joy that spread across my boyfriend's face when he came in right after and I told him I was pregnant—through tears, of course—was unforgettable.

Two funny things about all of this:

1. The very next day, I was in D.C. trying to play off being newly “sober” so my friends wouldn’t get suspicious that I wasn’t drinking. I tried to dip my tongue in a mimosa like, "Ohh maybe I hallucinated that voice," but the way my stomach was going crazy, I was like, "Nahh I’m really a mom now, let me stop." I think they knew something was up the whole time lmao.

2. At the beginning of the year I told myself that I’d be okay with having a baby once my $15k of debt was cleared - but I didn’t think much of it. I pushed and fought my way to paying that debt off - with 70% of my monthly earnings going to it, and when I did I felt so good, but I knew things had shifted. I just didn’t know the shift was that I had gave the universe the okay to make me a mommy.

Ya girl loves all things hippy and woo woo so I'll be sharing random tidbits on current transits, resources, and tips to help you start connecting the dots in your life through info on the metaphysical.

— GET IN THE MIRROR, TRICK!

Listen to me when I say this, there is magic in the mirror.

When you take the time to speak life over yourself, sing to yourself, dance by yourself while being in the mirror - it does something in the universe.

One time I was super disciplined about singing and rapping my, “I’m the baddest bitch out,” playlist and really feeling and believing the lyrics and you know what happened?

I manifested a $10k direct deposit that came out of nowhere.

I’m not saying it’s always going to happen like that, but what I am saying is that it’s worth seeing what you can manifest by simply spending time with yourself in the mirror.

P.S. if you need to take a baby step into this, try putting your goals on a sticky note and put it on your mirror. I have a friend that does this and every single thing they put on there comes true.

Yet another section to share what I’m into in hopes you might find something interesting too. A foray into the mind of someone with so many thoughts and not so many places to put them.

— MATCHA LOVERS GATHER ‘ROUND

CURRENT FIXATIONS

I’m begging you, please try a strawberry matcha. I used to stick to just vanilla, but the other day I mixed:

• fairlife strawberry milk

• califia farms pre-prepared almond milk matcha

• almond milk vanilla creamer

and I promise you, I ascended it was soooo good. If you still support Starbucks, ask for a venti matcha with two scoops, almond milk, 3 pumps of vanilla, and strawberry puree/inclusions. Not as good as the mix I made, but closest thing I could find in the streets.

I love to yap about shit that's most definitely not my business in pop culture. I'll be sharing my two cents - and then some, so please feel free to reply to this email and share yours too.

— LOVE ISLAND, USA Edition

1. Kordell and Serena: I actually ship them to the point I was rooting for Kordell, but when he brought back Daia??? I’m like nah you’re trying to be funny and fuck youuuuu. I also feel like Serena’s reaction made complete sense (even though I do agree she friend zoned him so it made since for him to explore) and I hate how the other guys try to shame her out of it.

2. Rob: I literally do not trust him. There’s something off about him and I don’t care how many times he screams he’s so into some girl then leaves her in the dust. I think he’s really into himself and the idea of love because I don’t think he actually gave much in terms of vulnerability.

3. Kaylor and Aaron: remind me of so many couples I know. I think they literally get off on their highs and lows. It made me laugh so hard seeing Kaylor wake up with Aaron smiling so big after he came back from Casa Amor. I knew she didn’t stand a chance, but she’s a better woman than me. I see my man trying to charm the panties of someone in another language? I’m throwing them in the ocean wtf.

4. Leah: seems like the girl who was ranting on Calling For You by Drake. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something I just don’t absolutely love and I don’t get how everyone on social media is fan girling over her. I especially didn’t like how she was almost talking shit about JaNa’s reaction to Kenny coming back with Catherine, saying some, “yeah, you all only talked for two days,” like ok????

My parting lesson, question, or word of advice—it'll vary each time, but it'll always be something to help you tap into your best self - starting today.

— Ask yourself: 

When I give to others, am I giving from a place of avoiding guilt, shame, and the withdrawal of love, or am I giving from a place of enthusiasm?

Assignment: write down month by month, your intentions for the next two years. Does it scare you in a good way? Bad way? Are you excited about what’s there? Does it make you want to realign your goals and efforts?